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ah. see, i love analogy. i’m a visual person, so anytime i can relate a matter of the heart or mind to something i can see…i seem to grasp things better. that summer, that was so rough (see previous entry), God did SO much with my heart, mind, and my life in general. He was showing me who i am when i am in Him. i had truly let Him stake my claim…and He was simply showing me a bit more of who i was as His Daughter, His Creation, His Love. oh man. He’s so good. i was learning more of Worth at the time…not just mine…but all those around me as well.
this was the time in my life that i became infatuated with dust. …there is so much more to it, and i always find more. dust is all throughout the Bible. adam was created from dust. we have feet…always touching the ground…and constant reminder that while in these bodies, something in us is prone to cling to things that our hearts and minds were not made for. sin. hm… there’s more to this. such much more. read on. i am still so in love with this analogy even though now, it is more refined in my mind. however, you’ll see more of the dust in my writings to come. it represents much to me.
~*~
may 13, 2006:
i’m missing the show tonight, for a few reasons. sadness 
no white girl dancing with my tara or dodging frisbee with my angie. but we’ll take care of that soon enough. and they’ll both have amazing pictures for me to look at. i love their souls. 
they make my days brighter, way more than they realize. anyways…
i’m going to spend some serious time with Jesus instead. i’ll let you know how it goes!
how it went…
and all who looked to Him were radiant… psalm 34.5
my soul clings to dust… psalm 119.25
i…right now…am completely surrounded by beauty. still my soul is truly clinging to dust, the mess that this earth dishes out as satisfying or what matters. things like my self-image, the past, these relationships that you let tell you what you’re worth, the future. i’m such a mess…a human…low…so i find the dust in my life and curl up in a ball right in the middle of it…i bury my hands in it telling myself ‘this is it brittany, it’s what you deserve, you’ll feel comfortable here.’ what a mess i’ve just put myself into. …then i look up, just for a second to find Him, just a glance…and my eyes catch the Beauty He’s been waiting for me to notice…those amazing girls He put in my life (you know who you are), my mom that through all the mess just wants to love me and for me to love her in return, that storm outside my window, how soft the grass was when i took in the sunset this afternoon. and then He reminds me that my soul wasn’t made for dust…my soul was made for beauty, romance, and adventure. when i look to Him, i’m not becoming a different person…i’m becoming more myself. who i was meant to be before the Fall. the whole time i thought i was with Him…but He was with me. i’d been asking Him to come down and hold me in my dust. but He’s inviting me up and into my Epic that i’d been dreaming of all along. how could i have missed it? been so blind? …it was the dust.
mmmm… so good…
this was you a long time ago, and this is me now. looking down at the dust when all He’s wanting is for me to look up. this dust is all around me–stuck to my body, hidden in my clothes, i think i’ve even swallowed some–and i can’t seem to brush it away, or rather, let Him brush it away.
i told a friend today.. whoever thinks the older we get the wiser we get is sometimes wrong. i’ve learned a lot, but i feel the older i get, the weaker my faith becomes. i felt more faithful then and willing to obey. now it’s such a struggle for me.
i can hear the music at times, still playing in the background, and i can hear Him calling my name. i wish i would respond and stop this worldly madness that spins all the energy and emotions out of me. i just want Him to trust me again…
thanks for this.